Cheating, relationships, breakups and commitment?

People can not help but put them selves in situations in which they can get hurt. It is human nature to try and do things that make you happy, or things that you think will make you happy in the end.

After a break up there are a number of different feelings one can feel. I did a number of things to avoid letting myself getting hurt even more, but this took me a while. My most recent break up lasted just over a month, mainly because A was 'unsure' about what he was feeling and such, I put the unsure in '' because I think it was more about being scared of hurting me, as opposed to not knowing whether he loved me or not. I can say a lot about the uncertainty of being in love in someone. I removed A from facebook, including all of his family and friends. Stopped looking at his blog. Stopped spamming anything that I could look at to know what he was up to and it did infact make me feel a lot better and I found things much easier to move forward. Then Gav died. Everything that I knew, felt, understood etc got thrown up in the air. I just lay on D's bed, crying, saying that I needed A. I really did need him. I needed the support of someone that knew me that well. Since then I get urges of wanting A, knowing that he is the only one that knows me that way. Getting close to people, another issue with break ups.......

The main cause of uncertainty (I think) is due to a matter of commitment, and whether one can see the other person in their future. By commitment I do not mean a proposal of marriage nor do I mean living with someone, I mean whether someone is willing to stick with the same person through the thick and thin of a relationship, through the hard times and through the bad times and the far away times. I was in a long distance relationship for a just under two years and we both stuck with it for that long, even though there were times where my life would have been a lot easier if I had given up, or found someone in Wales, or told A that I just wanted us to be friends. But neither of us wanted that then.

Any one that knows me at all will know that I was not so faithful in my previous relationships and one can say yes, it is because I am a cheating bastard that will never be faithful, ie once a cheater always a cheater but that said, in my eyes it is a matter of commitment. I am in NO way condoning cheating or the cheating bastards that do things a lot worse. I never got with any one while I was with A, I did have a number of chances to but I had found someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with so I did not want to spoil it by doing a stupid thing like kissing/sleeping with someone else. I will never cheat again as it is not worth the hassle and the guilt, it is better to be honest and open about everything that one is feeling, even if it causes others pain, it is an easier pain to deal with than the pain of being cheated on, as long as you are honest. Everyone has urges or the feelings that they would like to be with another person than the person that they are with. Anyone that says they do not feel attracted to other people while in a relationship is lying. Plain and simple. In relationships I had no problem sitting in a café and discussing with my boyfriend about which of the two waitresses was hotter. Not saying I would act upon anything discussed, but being open about feelings is easier to sort than lies, even if the other person gets stupid jealous or something. When I was in my last year of Uni, I was living with JMP and in a long distance relationship with A. Bearing in mind that JMP is the boyfriend that I cheated on to get with A, me and JMP are pretty good friends. JMP blames A, whereas I know it was me that instigated everything and I was the one in the wrong. I went to blooming Norway! Anyway, anything that happened with JMP, ie him coming into my room, him laying on my bed or us going to subway, I told A about as I knew there was nothing for him to worry about but I wanted to clarify it, all the time, which I think annoyed him. So being oblivious is also something that people want, when they trust you, they do not need to know all the details of meetings with friends/ex's, as long as there is nothing is hide. Friendship is never the same after a relationship, but I have tried my hardest to keep a good friendship between me and all of my ex's and continue to do so. This is more amplified with Gav's death, you never know when you are going to loose someone from your life so what is the point in keeping grudges and spreading hate, sadness or anything else nasty.

Forgiveness is there for a reason, I just wish people could/would do it more often.

You will always put yourself in positions that get you hurt, one way or another. So what is the point in trying to protect oneself from it? Take life by the horns and run with whatever you feel in that moment!

Happiness and Sadness come together.

Love. Hate. Pain. Passion. Anger. Aching. Happiness. Tingles. Missing. Forgiveness. Butterflies. Needing. Falling head over heels in love.

It is always better to do things than to regret them after.

Again, my feelings and thoughts.

If you do not agree at least try and see things from other peoples point of views.

BryonyRuth

xx