Broken. Drunk. Crying. 21st May.

Hello.

Im not doing particularly good. Last night, 21st of May, was planned to be a good night. But it went downhill fast. I drank, I knew I should not have. Here are a few things that happened in my night but no great detail as I was too drunk to remember.

- We went to D's flat to meet her housemate to go to the party in Flat 4.
- We went up and everyone was really friendly.
- There were lots of really hot guys.
- We felt awkward so drank a lot.
- The host gave us a shot of some alcohol, straight in our mouths that was like after eights.
- We headed out of the flat with everyone else.
- Went to a bar, drank beer?
- Felt rejected somehow.
- Headed out.
- Phoned A.
- Argued with N.
- Lost N.
- Do not remember anything I said to A.
- Multiple stages of crying.
- A turned his phone off, even though I was lost, alone and crying.
- More rejection.
- Being sick in flower beds.
- Phoning A more with drunken messages that I do not remember.
- In so much physical pain from him.
- Phoned my employer, thankfully she did not answer.
- Phoned home. Talked to Daddy.
- Got chatted up by a middle eastern guy at the bus stop.
- Nice 20 year old norwegian talking to me at the bus stop. Feel old anyone?
- Bus home.
- Fell asleep on the bus so missed my stop.
- Nice bus driver dropped me off at the end of my street.
- Some how got into the house.
- Woke up.
- Laptop on top of me.
- Pj bottoms on.
- Contacts out.
- Lost N still.
- Cancelled a call on my phone.
- N turned up at the door.
- Cried on her.
- She had been crying the other side of Oslo, while I was being sick and crying by the bus stop.
- She luckily found a British guy in the central station that offered her his floor for the night.
- I slept in Bærum rather than Majorstuen like the plan was. Nearest thing to home.
- And now here I am.

Last night had some good parts but they have now been over shadowed by the bad things. A turned his phone off? I could have been in real trouble.... I had no one. Makes me feel even more worthless. I can not understand what is wrong with me. I do not deserve to be treated like I am. I have given everything.

More than a disaster.
BryonyRuth. Xx