Clarification and broken hearts.

Hey.

This is with reference to my blog on fancying other people while in a loving relationship. I would like to point out that, that is not how me and A broke up. It was no where near as easy and putting myself on the pile of unwanted Bryony's. There was a lot of I love you but I dont see the point. I love you and I wanna talk. I love you but I wanna do other stuff. I dont love you. Please? No? Why? I do not know...... Stylie. Pretty messy as most break ups are. I was never told there was anything wrong with me, nor did he say there was anything wrong with him... Hmmm. Complicated. It is over now, as my post a few weeks ago confirmed. The majority of posts since then are just about me trying to figure out my situation/and others! I have had a few people messaging me and telling me that reading my blog has helped them a little and I find it nice that I can take some comfort from my pain, that it is helping others.

Broken hearts..... These are nasty things. They can cause a lot of changes in ones life, from not walking past his house on the way home from school to having to move out of the house you bought together. They happen to everyone, and how ever much advice, support, distractions etc etc you are given, there is something it does not touch, or so it seems with me. I have a void in my chest. It is odd. Like part of me is missing and it hurts all the time. Its not depression/sadness. It is actual physical pain. Over the last however many weeks I have felt constantly sick and like someone is kinda standing on my chest but also with a stabbing throbbing pain (I can not explain this feeling properly, too fricking hard). In my last year of uni, I went through bad stages of missing A. I felt sick every morning, faded when I spoke to him. I do not know if these are actual medical problems but my head seems to be sorted (Well...... ish), it is just the pain that will not go away. I do not expect it to go away straight away and it is also sometimes nice to feel the pain, in the sense that this relationship did actually mean something. Just gotta keep looking forward!

Enough emo ness.
I went to Tusenfryd today! I will blog about what I have been doing soon, maybe. Slack Sunday perhaps.
BryonyRuth xx