I did not know the streets when I first moved here so I used the apple trees in peoples gardens to find my way about/home. Beautiful fruitful trees. I never got lost, just sometimes took the long way round. Hehe.
Over the last two years I have planned my little head off into a situation that was unattainable. I thought I knew everything that was EVER going to happen in my life.... literally down to tiny little details, such as the ways 'our' kids would be brought up, what colour their bedrooms would be and a shit load of crazy stuff. Over the last few weeks planning/or generally thinking about my future has made me f*cking upset and confused and alone and such. Now I have a much better perspective and I am actually looking forward to thinking about all of the possible things I can do with my life. Not that being with A stopped me dreaming, but they were more focused on 'us'. I just wanted to get to a point where we were not apart so thinking about marriage and a family came with that. I do not regret it, it saddens me, but if that is the way my head works then I am glad I never hid it, although, that being said, the distance also made me loose sight of what I really wanted. IE I never talked about the things that I wanted to do with my future, I just talked about settling down. Suffocation! :P
OPTIONS.
I have so many options I just do not know what to do. I have so many thoughts and I guess some I should do before others!
I am going home to Wales in July, and I will just get a crap job, save my little ass off and head out travelling/working/studying etc. I do not know where, what or anything but I think getting some money together makes sense. May come back to Oslo/Norway to study or work. I really do love it here. I have been offered the job again with this family for another year but I just can not make that sort of commitment at the moment. Scares me too much. Weird being so unsure about everything when I plan things so detailed usually.
Studying – Ecology, Toxicology, teaching and many others! Too many choices but I do not have to think about them right now as applications for Aug/Sept 2011 deadline is far away. But considering the UK or Norway, but may look into other international masters in other countries taught in English I think at some point.
Travelling – Options are endless, its a big world. I was thinking about combining travelling with working etc. Teaching and conservation/monitoring/learning etc. So definitely looking into South America when I get a job, so I have something to aim at, money wise. Oh and doing my TEFL of course before.
Working – I could get ANY job as long as it was for money, but I could also start looking into 'proper' jobs, with something I want to do in the future. Little worried as it is rather difficult in the UK job market at the moment. Just any job will do at first though :)
General thoughts currently.
Stuff is becoming clearer by the day.
Although I do I wish that I had the ability to stop time and stay within certain moments. Song
Input is nicest.
BryonyRuth
xx
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