Yesterday = Bad day

I am told they happen. It is not something I can avoid with this broken soul. The run the night before, I hoped would make me feel better when I awoke, but it sadly did not. The rain finally came in the early hours. My windows were open and I woke to it. I just lay there in the relief, listening to the heavy rain. It felt good. Like I was not real. Like I could just float away and not have to think about all the stuff than runs through my head every hour of every day.

Ever wonder if it's forever, the moment passes,
but I feel you now, all the way down
So I'll try not to breathe as I hold my head still,
the light bends on my face, there'd be tears if I cried
And I'll try not to think what the happy things were
I just think of the stuff that just made me shit scared
And I'll just close my eyes and I'll see everyone
that I'm leaving behind for the dawn of the sun
And I'll try not to feel, yes I'll try not to feel,
and I'll try not to feel on the way down.
(Biffy Clyro – All the way down)

Every night before I fall asleep I think about what it was like to lay in A's arms, to cwtch up to him, to feel loved, to nap, to realise he had been awake the whole time I had been sleeping. Then sleep comes over me for the whole night..... I do not regret doing this. I see no problem with it. It helps me sleep and I know in my head it will never happen again, with him anyway. Yes it hurts a lot.

Today I am doing a lot better. Music is finally helping, yesterday I tried from one extreme to the other in music genres. Nothing touched me.

Side notes:
We made cakes yesterday for the 8 years old 'avslutning', end of school party thing. They were seriously lush. O kept trying to stick his fingers in them. Made me giggle, but also had to move like a ninja as at one point he grabbed the whole tray of them and was pulling them off the table.

Oh and while cleaning I heard a plane that sounded really low so I went to the window to look at it. AND …. had one of the most spectacular 'Whats that outside the window' *SMACK* moments, ever. Literally full face print on the glass. I even had coloured lip gloss on.... Amazing.

Not many plans for the coming week/weekend. Well maybe a few. Hehe. And I am sure I'll update this like a crazy person as usual.

Have a great week, and yes we are half way through one. When I was younger I decided I wanted to get married on a Wednesday just to be different. That changed when I actually thought I would get married but I like the fact that the thought was there that I wanted to be different :P
BryonyRuth