Today... It has been one of the worst days. I realised that there really does not seem to be any way back. Last night after Ironman, I felt a sort of numbness and a dull pain within me. Hoping makes things worse. Thinking what you would do, to get things back. Just kills you. I know that I have done everything that is basically possible for mine and A's relationship. I have a few regrets, but not a lot.
Long distance relationships are very hard. Me and A were ok for the first 2 years of talking. Until I think things got perhaps a bit too much, in a sense that I wanted everything that I saw in the future, now. Distance changed me, it made me a lot worse than I was. I am a thinker and planner, I like to know everything that is happening, going to happen, even though that is near inpossible. Not knowing when things were going to happen made me insecure and needy. This is probably when a certain someone should have got me to shut up and reassured me that things would happen. That he wanted what I wanted. This never happened. People can not change if you want them to, but they will change for the right person :)
On a lighter note..... I just made toast.
Happy Video
I am off out finally, after spending 8 hours of my day in bed.... trying to sleep :)
BryonyRuth xx
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